Ever jump off a high rock into a lake or river? Ever buy a plane ticket for an excursion that you really want and need? I’ve done both. In Boy Scouts (Troop 280, Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic Church, St. Louis, MO) we camped, hiked, and floated down awesome Missouri rivers. Occasionally there was a deep pool of water below a boulder or outcropping jutting out from up on high…begging us boys to take a leap of faith. Some of the guys, like Schulz, Schlafly, and Paynter jumped off that rock like it was no big deal. For me, that moment before leaping was always excruciating. Once I hit the cool water I’d think “That was cool” … until I climbed back up for Jump #2.
I just priced plane tickets for my journey to the Camino, called The Way by many. The price was a gulp! Buying this plane ticket will be like jumping into the air hoping there is cool water below.
But more dangerous than the coming purchase of a flight was the onslaught of self-doubt and accompanying lack of self-worth that coursed through my thoughts. It went something like this…
There’s no turning back now! But it’s OK. I’m worth it. I’m worth it. I believe I’m worth it. I know I’m worth it. I think I’m worth it. I hope I’m worth it. I guess I’m worth it. Maybe I’m worth it. I don’t know if I’m worth it. I could be worth it. I’m not sure I’m worth it. Hey Moxie (our dog), am I worth it? I’m pretty sure I’m not worth it. Anyway, I can’t afford it; the money, the time, the preparation. It’s not worth it.
Translation: “It’s not worth it” = “I’m not worth it”
Not today my friends. If we believe Genesis 1:27 that we’re “made in the image and likeness of Love, of God” how can we say of ourselves, “We’re not worth it?”
We are worth it.
You are worth it.
I am worth it.
And so is this pilgrimage for which I’m gearing up.
I bought the ticket today. Join me on the journey here.